The day Miss Ruby Slippers went crazy

I was going to blog about my shower today, but then i figured I should wait for photos, so I can do a whole photo story thingy. Suffice it to say, it was F-U-N, and my girls know exactly what I like! And I got some cute gifts too. My almost-sister-in-law got me some black lacy underwear...props to her; I don't know if I could buy something like that without visualising my brother ripping it off with his teeth...:-)

But today sucked. And it started off so well! It's not even that big a deal....I just really need to learn not to let wedding stress affect my daily life. Riiiiight. Tell that to any Bride and she'll laugh in your face.

So we had a meeting at the venue this morning. Aside from the fact that I forgot to bring the numbers of place-settings for each table, it went fine. First we did a soundcheck in the chapel, and I practised walking up the aisle to see how long it took. I cried. Then we went through all the little details with the venue organiser, like the table layout, where we want the cake served, what time stuff is happening at, etc etc. Then she showed us where Mr Ruby Slippers would be getting ready, and where the girls and I would (the honeymoon suite! Which, by the way, is gorgeous). I was already planning spots for hanging dress shots and mirror shots. It's such a nice suite, it's almost a shame we only get a few hours in it. I'd like at least two days! But, sadly, we have to clear out by 10am for the next day's bride.

After the meeting we'd arranged to meet Mr Slippers' parents and show them around the venue, which they hadn't seen yet. They arrive, we start walking around, and FMIL RS drops the bombshell: Mr RS' aunt and two uncles have just decided not to come to the wedding. Yup, twelve days before the day, uncle #1 says he has an out-of-town conference, his wife decides to go with him, and uncle #2, who was coming from Botswana, is now without a lift so decides not to come too. Three people. Twelve days before the wedding, when they've already been PAID for, their seating layouts organised, everything. I was so incredibly angry that I dealt with it in the only way I know how to deal with any emotion right now: I burst into tears. I think I might have been pretty rude, or at least, impolite, to the future in-laws, because I kept saying things like, "Fuck 'em. We didn't want them there anyway." (I've never actually met these people, but Father-in-law RS hates his sister, so I've picked up on that...) and "You'd better tell them they owe us R750" (It's R250 a head) and "That is incredibly rude and I never want to meet them". Yeah...not my finest hour. But man, I was pissed off. If they'd cancelled two weeks ago we could have invited some more B-list guests to bring the numbers up. We were at 69, which is only one short of our minimum. Now we're back to 66. Assholes.

So then The FILs went on their way, no doubt terrified that their son was marrying some kind of evil crying monster, and we stopped somewhere for lunch, since we had an hour and a half to kill before we needed to pick up my dress from alterations. This did not go well. Mr Slippers and I each ordered a smoothie. Oh...they were out of stock of that kind of smoothie. They only have the freezy non-dairy kind. Or something. So we each ordered one from that part of the menu, and our food as well. Ten minutes later Mr RS' smoothie arrives, and the waitress goes, "We're out of bananas for the other smoothie."

Not-so-dormant weepy monster rears its head and throws a weepy hissy fit, which went something like this:
Me:"I don't want to eat here anymore, then."
Mr RS (to waitress): "Um, can you cancel our food and bring us the bill for this drink?"
Me (laying head in hands and starting to cry openly): "I'm so huuuungry.........."

At which point Mr RS takes the drink back to the kitchen and takes me by the hand and takes me back to the car. Somewhat pissed off but worried about my bizarre behaviour. Um, as was I.

So we drive round the corner and go to another restaurant. Order drinks (which came!) and food. Which came...WRONG. Yup, they brought me the wrong meal. I fought off the urge to start crying again, and had the waiter take it back. Five to ten minutes later he returns with a burger...all covered in onions.
Me: "This is still wrong. I ordered a mushroom burger."
Waiter: "No, it's right. The mushroom sauce comes separately." (produces bowl of sauce to prove this)
Me: "But this has onions on."
Waiter: "Yes, it comes with caramelized onions."
Me: "But it doesn't say that on the menu. I don't eat onions." (I do, really, but only a few and only if I really feel like them. Which I didn't.)
Mr RS: (through grated teeth) "It's fine. Just scrape them off."
Me: "FINE."

I chuck them at a side plate, they mess on the table, Mr RS gets annoyed and I get weepy. Fun was had by all. By the time this was over it was three minutes before my dress appointment. We got the bill, I splashed water on my face, and we drove around the corner to the bridal store, where Mr RS proceeded to wait in the car for me. (well, he could hardly see my dress after all this time, could he?)

What more could go wrong, you ask? Well, it took them fifteen minutes to locate my dress. Fifteen minutes, which doesn't sound that long in the scheme of things, but it was fifteen minutes of me fighting back tears, convinced that they'd lost my dress, or, at best, that it wasn't ready and I'd have to drive all that way back again next weekend. And it's not a short drive. So by the time they produced the dress I was a nervous wreck. I tried it on, and the length was fine (thank goodness), but the button for the bustle was far too low down, making the bustled-up train drag on the floor. I resisted the urge to snap, "What the hell is the use of a bustle if it's still a train???" and asked her nicely to move the button. Which she went off to do. Meanwhile Mr RS was sitting outside in the car getting very hot and bored and irritable, which led to much snappishness on the way home. We DON'T snap at each other, so this was quite upsetting for both of us.

So now I have a headache, I feel slightly nauseous, and I can barely see out of my eyes, they're so swollen from crying. And I just feel generally despondent. I'm so ready for the wedding; all I have to worry about is the details coming together on the day and remembering to take stuff to the venue! I'm not scared about marrying Mr Ruby Slippers at all; I know with all my heart it's what I want, so why am I getting so stressed about stupid little things like bananas? Even the people not coming - I don't care if they're there or not; in fact, they were going to be the only guests I'd never met (aside from one or two dates that are being brought by guests). I just feel incredibly insulted that they decided they all had something better to do than come to an expensive event where their presence has been confirmed and paid for, and then cancel via TEXT MESSAGE. Yeah, I forgot that little gem. It's basically a big slap in the face, and I don't like being slapped in the face. But I think if I wasn't so stressed I wouldn't have let it affect me this badly.

Man, I wish the wedding was this Friday instead of next.