Mr Ruby Slippers and I have been wanting to buy our own house for ages now. We're renting, and it does seem kind of a waste to be throwing money at our landlords every month with nothing to show for it in the end. Also, we really want our own place where we don't have to share a garden with other people who are constantly talking loudly and having parties. Our landlords are very nice (we had some horrors before them!) but the fact is there are just too many people always around, making noise. I like a quiet existence. Plus there is always someone in the garden; be it the maid, one of the two gardeners, or all the scores of people who seem to come and work with our landlady every day. This means our wimp of a cat is too scared to go do his kitty business in the garden. Which results in him screaming at me all day, which is just a teensy bit annoying.
Ok, it's annoying as all hell.
Quite aside from the problem that we actually don't have any money to buy a house, I'm a bit picky. (Read as: everything I want is expensive). And we REALLY don't have money for expensive.
These are my "must-haves" when it comes to a house:
1) Must be in a non-dodgy (
expensive) area.
2) Must have walls on all sides that are higher than I am.
3) Must have electric fencing or similar on all of said walls.
4) Must have an electric gate.
5) Must be a stand alone house, not a cluster-home/townhouse complex,
unless said complex has separated houses with no shared walls.
6) Must be light and airy, for I cannot function in a dark, cramped space.
Do you see my problem? 1-5, and probably 6, all scream
EXPENSIVE!!!! But I refuse to live somewhere where I don't feel at least marginally safe, and I need all that stuff to feel safe. And #6 to feel happy :-)
And we haven't even got
inside the house yet!
Actually, I don't want much from a house. I'd like the kitchen to have a free-standing island, and I'd like the sink and/or cooking area to face the tv, because I like to watch concerts and movie commentaries while I cook and wash dishes. I'd like the rooms not to be too small and pokey, I'd like big windows, and I'd like an upstairs, because I just enjoy the view too much to give it up.
Unfortunately I'm not seeing this happening any time before we win the lottery.
"Are you standing comfortably?" 
"I am called Coquette..." (Note the breadrolls in Bertorelli's ears. I think Sister RS found it hard to sing out of tune on purpose.)
"Good moaning."
"You see, sometimes on rainy nights, this policeman come to change his trousers here, as it is a long walk to the station..." 
Is that a sausage under your apron, or are you just happy to see me?
The portrait of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies is revealed! What a mistake a-to make-a!
We are over-Hitlered...
