Random ramblings

So it's T minus 17 days, and all anyone can ask me is if I'm stressed/excited/flipping out. Which is normal, for NOW. The stupid thing is they've been asking me the same thing for the entire ten months I've been engaged! There was a really odd situation three months ago when I went into my old work to do some part-time stuff for them. One of my ex-colleagues came to chat to me, and asked me how far away the wedding was. I told her three months. Her reaction? "But you're so calm! Why aren't you flipping out??"

Um, right, yes, the wedding is three months away, I'm at work, doing my work, why on earth would I be particularly stressed out right at that moment? But that's all people seem to think we as Brides do. And yes, now I am. But up until the one-month mark, I really wasn't. But now it seems like the details are out to get me. Really. They are these insidious gremlins, creeping into everything and taking over my braaain. I wish they'd just go away. I'm not a fan of details. It was so much more fun to book the big stuff! Dress? Check. Photographer? Check. Venue? Check. Not "have you organised where the cake is going to stand before they bring it out into the garden for serving, and have you made sure the damask cloth is going to be on whatever they serve it on? And by the way, who is going to wrap the ivy around the candle holders on the chapel walls and plug in the sound system...?"

Someone else asked me what I was most looking forward to on The Day. My immediate reaction was that it should be the moment when we become man and wife, right? I mean, that's what the point of the entire day is! And I am looking forward to being Mrs Ruby Slippers. But, to be honest, I'm not looking forward to the actual moment, so much. Because I am going to be a Nervous Wreck. I don't do well in front of people at the best of times (unless I'm singing, then it seems easier), and this is going to be the worst of ugly cry times imaginable. I am going to be so stressed from the organisational madness that will be the lead-up to the day, and I cry when I'm stressed. Then I am going to be nervous because all eyes will be on me, and I cry when I'm nervous. Then I'm going to be emotional because this is the hugest thing I have ever done in my insignificant life, and I cry when I'm emotional. Finally, I am walking up the aisle to a piece of music I love, and guess what music does to me? Yup. Bawl.

So basically I cry when I have any kind of strong emotion. I know this about myself. But it doesn't enable me to stop it! So I anticipate some seriously puffy eyes on the day. Oooh, yummy.

Anyway, I kept thinking about what it actually is I'm most looking forward to, and I realised - it's having all these people there that I love (ok, in some cases, just like a lot :-) ), all gathered together because they want to be there for me, all happy and excited because it's a happy occasion, and - hopefully - having fun and enjoying themselves. I am also looking forward to some kick-ass dancing! (I'm not a dancer, but I like bouncing around the dance floor to some fun tunes.)

All the advice I've been given amounts to "stop, pause, breathe, take in the moment". I'll try. You know, when I'm not crying. :-)